I spent a lot of years on this blog writing about my journey of being a business owner and all of the trials and tribulations that come with it. I’m sure that if I looked back I would laugh at some and relate to others. The realization about the whole thing is really that life goes on and what I used to know yesterday is no longer what I know today. The game is changing too fast, people are coming and going and projects are coming and things are moving at such an extreme pace I wish that I could just raise my hands up and pause the world. If you had one moment to yourself what would you do with it? I would want to appear on a tall mountain in a warm climate and just take the deepest breath that I could, like it was the first breath that I had ever taken. I would see the world from a perspective that I have wanted for so long and maybe even feel like I knew everything, although I feel as though I know nothing or what I want is not really what I want.
I have categories of people that I spend time with – my favorite are the listeners. No matter what I say – nothing about what I should do or not do or act or feel comes out of their mouth. I used to have the opinionated ones that no matter what comes out of my mouth there will always be a direct answer of what I am doing is wrong, how I reacted was incorrect, how I need to react or what I need to change about myself. And then there’s the one that I exist as their ear – which is totally ok.
I think that I have learned to listen over the years. I didn’t used to be a very good listener, just a lot of talking. It’s surprising what happens when you close your mouth and open your ears. I know that some people will float in and out of my life like a lily on a pond, the ones that will suck the life out me like being caught in a wind tunnel and the ones that are rock solid and will never walk away….I used to be able to count those people on one hand. But the golden ticket of it all is the fact that I have those people in my life, and lately I have had a whole group of people who care and are there and are just ridiculously supportive it makes me emotional. From listening and listening and listening to offering nights out and hanging out and working out to loaning me whatever I need, just to help me out. I am humbled and honored to call them my friends. The ones that have never left, never walked away, never judged or yelled, never blamed everyone else but themselves, never lived in the past, and never looked back but only forward.
I love my life and everyone that is in it, the support and the love that we all have for one another is incredible and rare. I missed this part of my life, I lost it for awhile but it came back with a vengeance and I am grateful. What I thought I knew, what I thought I loved, what I thought life was supposed to be no longer exists…it was what I used to know but not what I believed in and how I choose to be. I am who I am – flawed and imperfect. As Marilyn Monroe once said….”If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”